There’s a fungus among us

Posted by Mrs Zeee on 06/10/2009

My house has warts. Well, not really, but that’s kind of what it feels like since we have discovered a virtual mushroom garden…no, farm…no, PLANTATION on the side of my house.

Our mulched and shady walkway often surprises us with all manor of small fungi sprouts from yellow spikes and pink clusters to one big bright red balloon a couple of years back that I totally regret not photographing. But these mushrooms are usually confined and replete with a life span of one or two days…

This year, however, with all of the rain and lingering moisture, we have taken mushroom production to a whole new level… Seriously, this crop is vast!

I like mushrooms in my salad, on my pizza, but I can do without them on my property. This year’s variety is especially gross and multitudinous.

So, ever the optimist (insert snide laugh here), I have been wracking my brain to find ways to make some money off of this little operation nature has bestowed upon us.

I guess I could get them tested by a local botanist to see if there are non poisonous and edible? We’d have omelette fixings for a year…

Or, I could call that nice gentleman who hangs out downtown near the convenience store and see if he may have some questionable use for a barrel of otherwise not so magic ’shrooms…

Or, since I am Italian, I think I could work my connections to see about renting the walkway to a pair of plumbing brothers in need of a course to practice their long jump?

Or, times being tough and all, maybe Papa Smurf and the gang could use an affordable housing option? The neighborhood cat might be a bit of a bother, but I am pretty sure that Gargamel dude is long dead and gone.

As you see, I am creative in all the wrong ways and this is all my sick and twisted little brain could come up with.
Clearly, I watch too much TV and moreso, I am not as enterprising as I would hope to be.

Any ideas out there?

Please rescue us from the the not-so-FUNgus!